The relationship you have with your wife, husband, or partner may be the most intimate relationship in your life; at once the most rewarding and the most difficult. In every lasting relationship, along with the good times, there will always be times of anger, anxiety, and disappointment. However, being able to discuss these feelings rather than withdrawing from or blaming one’s partner can result in a more secure bond that weathers the difficult times.
As relationships deepen, it’s very common for family of origin issues to get triggered as partners bring to their relationship many unconscious expectations around unmet needs and old fears. By identifying these attachment patterns, couples become more able to free themselves from automatic responses and to see each other as they are, rather than who each partner wants the other to be. Often this can free a couple from the painful blaming of each other to create a deeper and more secure relationship. For many couples, particularly those with trauma backgrounds, the resultant loving and intimate relationship can provide great healing of old wounds.
I work toward helping couples examine themselves and their relationship patterns to learn how to communicate their differences more effectively. Partners learn new and different ways to speak and be with each other to replace less productive and habitual ways of communicating. Ultimately, couples therapy is an opportunity to grow personally and in relationship with another.